


Toy of My Life

by ddelusionall



Series: Toy [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Collars, Leashes, M/M, Master/Slave, Mildly Dubious Consent, Piercings, Sex Toys, Sexual Training, Slavery, Underage - Freeform, but just because they're slaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:41:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddelusionall/pseuds/ddelusionall
Summary: When I bought U-know, I thought it was just another purchase. I always had a bad habit of growing attached to my toys, but I have never fallen in love with one.
Relationships: Jung Yunho (DBSK)/Kim Jaejoong
Series: Toy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721092
Kudos: 3





	1. Heal Me

**Author's Note:**

> I am importing my stories from LiveJournal. The original fic can be found [here](http://be-ddelusionall.livejournal.com/).
> 
> I haven't read this story in a long time, so I may have missed some tags. Just let me know if I did.

“Kim Jaejoong-shi, you have a call on line four.”

I hit the intercom. “Who is it?”

“It’s Jung Jihoon.”

I sighed and picked up the receiver, hitting line four. “This is Jaejoong.”

“Jae-babe! It’s Jihoon.”

“Hello, Jihoon. What can I do for you?”

“I have something new for you. I was hoping you would come and look at it.”

I looked at my clock. It was already after eight pm. The quarterly numbers on my computer had blurred a long time ago. “I can be there by ten, if that’s not--”

“That’s perfect! I’ll have him ready for you.”

“I’ll see you then.”

I saved all my work, sent my secretary home, and then left my office. I hated being there for longer than I had too. I preferred being in the dormitory, just in case any of my toys or their handlers needed assistance. After climbing into the back of my limo, I opened the cooler for a bottle of Soju. The drive to the dormitory was only ten minutes. I used to have my office in the same building, but I learned early on that being around all of my toys was a tad bit distracting.

Not that sitting in my office and thinking about them wasn’t distracting. Just not as much.

I was greeted by my Dragon, as always, rubbing against my legs. I wrapped my fingers in his blond hair and bent down for a kiss.

“Hello, my Dragon, did you have a good day?”

“Yes, master, but it’s much better now.”

I smiled and kissed him again. I took the leash of my Dragon and led him to my quarters. Daesung caught up with me about half way there, and as the Head Handler, he gave me all the updates on all my toys. Angel was still sick, and sequestered from the others, but his fever was down. Aiden and Hyukkie had been disciplined again for kissing without permission. I had threated to separate them last week, and I sighed, resigned. I knew they loved one another, but they could not be so disobedient. I made a note to visit each of my toys before going to the office in the morning.

After his report, Daesung left us. I went straight to the bathroom and let my Dragon pamper me in a bathtub full of bubbles. He washed my hair and then my body and then bent over the edge of the tub for me to release the stress of my day.

I took my Dragon to my bed and laid him down under the covers.

“Do you think someone will want me tomorrow, master?” he asked, yawning.

I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Soon, my Dragon, but until then, you’re mine.”

He smiled and settled into my many blankets and pillows. “You’re not sleeping now, master?”

“No. I have an appointment soon, but keep the bed warm for me, okay?”

“Okay, master. Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, my Dragon. Sleep. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”

“Okay, master.”

I turned the light off in the bedroom and went to my dressing room. I wore simple clothes, slacks, a button up shirt and a sport jacket. I kept the jewelry to a minimum and slid on a pair of loafers at the door. I turned, picking out the lump in my bed, and sighed. I always wanted my toys to go to good homes, but some I grew rather fond of. I never told them they could stay here forever, because that led to broken hearts when they were purchased.

But again. Some I grew fond of. I wanted to kiss my Dragon again, but I did not want him to wake up. I shut the door quietly and headed for the garage, deciding to take my Audi for this trip. I didn’t want to bother my limo driver.

Jung Jihoon’s club _Rainism_ was on the other side of town. It took about thirty minutes to drive there, even in the light, late-night traffic. There was a line wrapped around the building, people dying to get in to see his boys dance and fuck each other.

I did not like being here, but when Jihoon called me, I came. I did not tell anyone that I came here, or that their pet came from here. Coming here was more of a rescue mission than buying a decent product. Jihoon’s toys were always horribly treated and well used. Most of them I could rehabilitate after proper care and grooming. Jihoon hadn’t called me for months.

I parked in the back. The bouncer at the backdoor let me in with a nod. I moved through the dimly lit hallways, and up a flight of stairs. I knocked twice on the office door, and a moment later, a deep voice told me to please come in. I shut the door behind me. As soon as I registered what was in the room, my eyes narrowed and I clenched my fists at my side.

Jihoon sat at his desk, smirking at me, leaning back, arms crossed. But I did no more than glance at him. I looked to the corner, where a poor boy hung from chains connected to the ceiling. The air smelled of sex and blood, and it was almost enough for me to throw up. I was glad I hadn’t eaten dinner.

The boy was naked, his cock and balls restrained. And by the way his hips were shivering, I guessed he had a vibrator in his ass. A ball gag stretched his lips, a blindfold covered his eyes. The tips of his toes barely touched the floor, so all of his weight was on his wrists.

_Control, Jaejoong, control. Don’t let him see you mad._

“Do you like him?”

“I’d like him more if I could talk to him.”

Jihoon gestured at him. “By all means. He’s been that way long enough, I guess.”

I curled my lip in a snarl and moved closer to the boy. He flinched when I touched him. I took the blindfold off first and he blinked against the sudden light.

“Hello,” I said. “My name is Jaejoong.”

His brown eyes jerked wildly from me and then to Jihoon. I loosened the ball gag. He inhaled deeply when it was off, but I scowled. His breath shortened, eyes lowered. He thought I was upset with him. I tried to smile and ran my fingertips over the cut on his cheek that the gag had left.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“He’s called--”

I turned to Jihoon and said, “I asked him. Not you.”

Jihoon scowled at me.

I turned back to the boy and asked again.

His gaze went to Jihoon. I gripped his chin and turned his head and moved my body so I blocked Jihoon from his view.

“Don’t make me ask again,” I said, “I don’t like repeating myself. What is your name?”

The boy swallowed. “U-U-know,” he whispered, lowering his eyes to the ground.

“What is your real name?” It was a standard question, meant to weed out those who were not supposed to be toys.

He shook his head. “The woman who raised me always called me: You. Hey you. You there, do this.”

I smiled at him. “And the know part?”

People used to say, hey do you know you, and it was shortened to U-know.”

I laughed. “Sounds perfect, and now I can say that yes, I do know you.”

I reached above him and released the latch on one of the handcuffs. He fell against me, eyes shutting, breath leaving him in a relieved gasp.

“How old are you, U-know?”

He shook his head against me.

“Answer him,” Jihoon demanded.

“F-fift--”

“Don’t lie to me,” I said but glared at Jihoon. He gave me an unrepentant look. The boy was too muscular, too tall, too filled out to be fifteen. “And don’t make me ask again.”

“S-seventeen.”

I glared at Jihoon again. It was so hard to sell seventeen-year-old toys. “Do you mind if I have a moment alone with him? Afterwards we can talk pricing.”

Jihoon frowned, and then nodded. He was desperate to sell this boy. I wanted to know why. I turned my back on him, concentrating again on U-know. I waited until the door shut and then slowly lowered us to the floor. U-know was in no position to stand up.

He whimpered as his body protested.

“How long have you been like that?” I asked, running my fingers gently over his shoulders, feeling for marks and scars. I found more than I liked.

“I d-don’t know. What time is it?”

“A little after ten.”

He shivered. “Four hours.”

“Four …” I sighed and reached for his cock. “The first thing you’ll learn, U-know is that I take care of my toys. This is not taking care of you. Jihoon is an asshole and I wish men like him could be thrown in jail. Now, let’s make you a little more comfortable.”

I took off the cock ring. He shouted out as I stroked him. His arms wound tightly around my neck, and I sat back, cross-legged, for the support. He suddenly went boneless. He shivered in my lap, crying out against my shoulder. I stroked him a little faster, surprised he hadn’t come already, and then he cried out, cursing as his body shuddered. His cock jerked in my hand and then he came, splattering white all over my black suit jacket. His chest rose and fell in ragged breaths, and I felt wetness, tears, soak into my shoulder.

“You do not deserve to be treated like this.”

“I-I’m just a whore.”

“No, you’re not. Not anymore.” I steadied him, adjusting us both until I could each around his hip. I felt the vibrations before I got to his ass. I tugged on the toy and he almost screamed as it left his body. The length of the toy was covered with points. These arrow dildos were not allowed at my business.

I held him close and rocked him as he cried. I knew he was strong, but to be without human affection for a long time, meant a slight emotional breakdown when someone finally did seem to care about you. I cared about U-know, just as I cared about all my toys.

I leaned him away from me and wiped his tears with my sleeve. “Normally, I’d do an inspection on you before I pay for you, but your body has been through enough today, so I’ll wait a couple of days.”

He looked away, biting his lower lip. But I saw the gleam in his eyes.

“You want to leave here?”

He nodded once.

“Why?”

“Ji...Jihoon.”

“I see what Jihoon does to you.”

He snorted and then apologized, keeping his head lowered. “This was nothing. I’m not bleeding.”

I turned his face and made him look at me. “You will never be treated like that again. I promise.”

U-know nibbled on his lower lip and then nodded again, accepting the statement, hoping it wasn’t a lie. He lowered his head again.

I grabbed his chin. “Second thing you’ll learn. Look up, always look up. Okay? This will take you some time to get used to, but I hate it when my toys look at the ground. You’re beautiful, you should be proud of yourself.”

He nodded, though he did not look convinced.

“When do you turn eighteen?” I asked.

U-know shrugged again and tried to look away but I still had a hold of his chin. “W-winter.”

“You don’t know the date?”

He shook his head. “I just know it’s mid winter.”

“So is mine, so we’ll start celebrating our birthdays together.” I frowned and asked, “Do you want me to buy you?”

“Yes.”

“Why? After you’re eighteen you’ll be free to do what you wish.”

His mouth opened and closed and then he shook his head, looking at the floor again. “I … I don’t know anything else.”

I nodded. “When you’re eighteen though, you will still have that choice, unless you’re sold before then. I have a life long clause in my contracts with my buyers. It protects you from being tossedaway after you’re eighteen.”

“I understand.”

“And the third thing you have to learn. I require all my toys to call me master. Not because I own you, or think I am higher than you, but it is a term of respect in my eyes. Also, a new owner may expect it, and it’s easier for you to learn while you’re under my care.”

“Yes, m-master.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek again. “Good. Now, normally I pay about seventy-five grand for a new toy, but for you, I refuse to pay more than thirty-five. No, that is not a reflection of what you’re worth to me, because I’m sure I’d pay a hundred for you, but Jihoon is a bastard and he doesn’t deserve to get more than that because of the way he’s treated you. And he’s trying to pawn off an almost-eighteen year old onto me.”

U-know looked confused.

I pressed a kiss to his cheek and said, “I just don’t want you to feel unworthy, because you aren’t. You’re gorgeous and in a few months, I’ll put you on the market and someone will be dying to buy you.” I took my sport coat off and wrapped it around his shoulders. “Stay there, my toy. We’ll be out of here in less than fifteen minutes.”

He grabbed my wrists and met my eyes. “T-thank you, m-master.”

I leaned forward and kissed his lips. “Thank you, my handsome toy.” I stood up and went to the door. I opened it and said, “Give me two good reasons why I should buy him from you?”

Jihoon smirked as he sat back down on his desk. I saw U-know visibly shake with the man in the room. “He’s attractive, and he sucks cock like a vacuum.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Really? And those are his best qualities?”

“What else do you need?”

I hardened my glare. “I know what you’re doing. He’s almost eighteen so you’re just trying to dump him off on someone else. That’s fine. I’ll take him. But I’ll only give you twenty-five for him.”

“Really, Jaejoong? The last toy you bought from me, you paid eighty. He’s better than that one.”

“The last toy was fourteen and not abused. He was also presented to me in a proper fashion. Do you have any idea how much money I’m going to have to invest in this one to bring him up to my standards? And I probably won’t have enough time. He’ll turn eighteen and leave, because I won’t have a chance to sell him. I’m not willing to risk my money for that.”

“Then give me eighty.”

“Twenty-five.”

“Jaejoong, be reasonable.”

“I am being reasonable. You be realistic.”

“Fine, fine. Sixty.”

“Twenty-five.”

“If he’s going to just leave you when he’s eighteen, then I might as well keep him, because he’ll leave here when he’s eighteen too.”

“If you don’t destroy him before then.”

“Then you should up your price.”

“Fine. Thirty.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Not high enough, Jaejoong. You already care about him. You’re a bleeding heart. It’s going to ruin you. I had an offer two weeks ago for fifty. I will call him back. He liked the current state U-know is in.”

“My handsome?”

“Yes, master?”

“Did someone offer fifty for you two weeks ago?”

“Yes, master.”

Jaejoong frowned. “Fine. I will pay forty.”

“He’s just a phone call away.”

“And why didn’t you sell him then?”

“I thought I’d get more from you. Match it or it’s over.”

I looked at U-know again. Jihoon was right. My heart was always in these transactions too much. “Fine.”

Jihoon grinned and pushed a stack of papers over to me. I picked up the contract, read it all. It was standard. Jihoon was pushing inventory, probably hoping to get younger merchandise. I signed it, scanned the pages and sent them to my accountant.

“Do you need a leash?” Jihoon asked, as I stood up.

“That won’t be necessary.” I moved to U-know and lifted him. “Hold on to me,” I whispered in his ear. I always carried my toys when I first bought them. U-know was older, so a little harder to handle, but he wasn’t as heavy as he should have been for a seventeen year old. I did not look back at Jihoon. I moved carefully through the dark halls of the club. The bouncer let me out the back door, and then opened the passenger door of my car for me. I settled U-know in the seat, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He curled up on the seat, pulling his legs under the coat.

I climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. “Sleep, my handsome toy. It’s a long drive home.”

I settled my hand on U-know’s knee as I drove home. He did not sleep, but he also did not look at me, staring in wonder out the window at the bright things we passed. I wondered how long it had been since he’d last left _Rainism_. I decided to ask.

“You seem surprised, my handsome toy.”

He jerked, like I had slapped him and looked at his lap, at my hand on his bare skin.

“When was the last time you were out in the real world?”

“Um, before … eight years old. Before I was sold to Jihoon.”

I cleared my throat as a soft reminder, and he glanced at me, and then stammered, “M-master.”

I smiled and squeezed his leg. “That’s a long time. When you’re feeling better, we’ll go out to the park and I’ll show you around the city. You’ve been under Jihoon for a long time.”

He nodded. “Yes, master,” he whispered, voice scared and hurt.

I squeezed his leg again. “Don’t worry, my handsome. He won’t ever hurt you again.”

“Will you?” He looked at me. “Master?”

“No, my toy. Not unless you want me too.”

He chewed on his lower lip and went back to looking out the window. I rubbed his leg, for comfort, and about five minutes later, he relaxed. His eyes shut as he leaned his head against the cool glass. I pulled the car to a stop in the underground parking of the dormitory. He opened his door, and I shook my head.

“Wait for me, my handsome toy,” I said.

He stopped, glancing at me in confusion as I climbed from the car. I moved to the passenger side and opened the door completely. I held out my hand, and he took it, letting me draw him to his feet. I put my arms under his, over the coat and lifted him up again. He wasn’t expecting it. I took a step back to steady us, and then leaned him against the side of the car until his legs were around my waist, arms around my neck. I kissed below his ear and readjusted my hold, and then turned away. I kicked the door shut, and left it in the fire lane. One of my driver’s would move it.

I carried him to the elevator and then up through the halls of the dorms. Everything was quiet. The hallways were lit with only the blue glow of emergency exit signs. I stumbled with the knob of my bedroom door. I wasn’t used to carrying someone so heavy. It opened to darkness. I flipped on the hall light, enough to see my way to the bathroom. I set U-know on his feet, and he shivered at the touch of cold tile.

I kissed his nose. “Stay put. I have already taken a bath today, but you need one.” I started the water in the tub. “Wait until this fills up, climb in and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“O-okay,” he said.

I glanced at him, eyebrow raised, a smile on my face.

“Master,” he said, nodding his head with finality, like that would make him remember.

I covered the space between us and hugged him close. “You’ll get the hang of it, my handsome toy. Now, clean yourself, and then we’ll sleep.”

I kissed his forehead and turned away before I permanently glued myself to his side. I went to my dressing room. I changed out of my suit and into sweats and a tank top. When I moved through the bedroom, my Dragon whispered, “Master?” Quiet, sleepy.

I went to the bed and leaned over it, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I did not mean to wake you, my Dragon.”

“Mm, s’okay, master. Do you need me?”

“No, sleep. I’ll be in bed in a little while. I bought a new toy tonight, so he’ll be with me.”

My Dragon’s eyes widened, and the sleep left them almost immediately. “Really? Can I meet him, master?”

I chuckled, and said, “Sure.” I scooped my Dragon up in my arms. “He’s taking a bath, but he might be a little skittish, since he’s in a new place.”

I carried my Dragon to the bathroom. He twisted in my arms to see behind him and into the room.

“Ooh, master, he’s so pretty,” my Dragon crooned.

I smiled at U-know. “Yes, he is. His name is U-know.”

“Hi, U-know, I’m Dragon.”

U-know swallowed and then stammered a hello.

My Dragon looked at me. “Can I go bathe with him, master?”

“Ask U-know if that’s all right.”

My Dragon turned back around, eyes expectant, pleading. “Can I, U-know?”

My bathtub could have easily held all three of us. U-know looked down at the water and then nodded, just twice.

My Dragon smiled and struggled in my arms. I laughed and set him down. He dropped to his knees and crawled over to the tub. He lifted himself over the edge and then settled in front of U-know. Only his shoulders and head were above water.

“You’re old.”

“Dragon,” I said sharply.

He ducked his head and apologized, worrying his lower lip.

U-know smiled at him and said, “Yeah. I’m seventeen.”

Dragon’s eyes went wide. “Wow. Really? No wonder you’re so gorgeous. I’m only thirteen, almost fourteen.”

I sat on a bench next to the tub and ran my fingers through U-know’s wet hair. I held my other hand out, and Dragon went to the edge of the tub for shampoo. He continued to talk as he poured shampoo into my hand, telling U-know about the dorms and exercising and meals and playtime, and how it was so painful when someone didn’t want you, but how master always made you feel wanted so it wasn’t that bad. I let him ramble on, because U-know was more watching his movements than listening to what he said. Dragon was well trained, and he’d only been for sale for a month. U-know could learn a lot from him.

I washed U-know’s hair, pushed on his shoulder for him to duck under the water. My Dragon stopped talking while he was under water, and then started right where he left off as soon as U-know surfaced.

“A washcloth, my Dragon,” I said, and he took the one we had used earlier and covered it with soap before handing it to me.

I scrubbed U-know’s shoulders and directed him out of the water to clean the rest of him. My Dragon caught sight of the scars on his back and stopped talking, mouth open. He turned to me, lower lip quivering like he didn’t understand. I didn’t blame him. Before my Dragon came to me, he had been apampered, like a prestigeous pure bred dog. He didn’t know what it was like to be abused.

“Yes, my Dragon?” I asked.

Heat covered U-know’s cheeks and down his neck and shoulders.

“I … he … it’s …”

I held U-know close as I washed his back, not caring that I was getting soap all over me. When I washed his ass, I let my Dragon see his abused entrance.

“My Dragon, some people are not nice to their toys, and they treat them horribly.”

“But why?”

I smiled. “I don’t know. I don’t understand why people feel the need to do it. But there are a lot of them out there.”

“Can’t you buy them all, master?”

I shook my head. “I wish I could,” I replied and kissed U-know’s cheek. “Rinse off, my handsome darling.”

Dragon giggled. “He is handsome. Can I call him that, too, master?”

U-know blushed again before ducking under the water.

“No, better stick with his name.”

Dragon pouted and then grinned. “Okay. I like his name. U-know. It’s fun to say. Oh my god, U-know, when is your birthday?” Dragon moved forward in his excitement, putting his hands on U-know’s knees and his face almost in U-know’s.

“Um, January.”

Dragon pouted again. “Damn it. That’s not soon enough. I might be gone by then, and then … well, my birthday is in three weeks, maybe, … maybe I’ll still be here.”

U-know looked up at me in question.

“On your birthday, you can pick another toy to have sex with,” I explained. “Otherwise it is only your handler and me who is allowed to kiss or fuck you. Unless of course I want two at a time.”

I winked at my Dragon and he giggled behind his hand, and then frowned and snuggled up against U-know’s chest. “Damn it, now I don’t want to be sold. Not before my birthday anyway.”

I laughed at U-know’s confused look. “Don’t worry, my handsome toy. I will explain more tomorrow. Let’s get out of here and go to bed.”

“Ah, master, now I’m too excited to sleep!”

“Well, you will sleep, because U-know and I are exhausted.”

He made a face, but nodded. He stood up, naked body on display. I cupped his ass and then pulled him against me, kissing his neck and trailing my fingers down his body. “Or maybe I’ll exhaust you first.”

My Dragon laughed and turned in my arms. “Oh, please, master.”

I smiled and slapped his ass. “Go back to bed. We’ll be right there.”

He climbed from the tub, grabbed a towel and then crawled from the room. I rinsed my arms off, and took off the now-wet tank top. I also moved to the towel rack. I wiped the water from me, and then turned around.

“Stand up, my handsome,” I said. He did and then stepped out of the tub. He was swaying, so close to already falling asleep. “Do you feel better?”

“Yes, master.”

I wrapped the towel around him and then swooped him up in my arms, one arm under his knees, the other holding his back. His arms went around my neck again. I carried him from the bathroom. My Dragon was on the bed, cross legged. His smile and eyes brightened when he saw us. And then he frowned.

“Is U-know okay, master?”

“Yes, my Dragon. He is tired now. We’ll let him rest tonight.”

“Okay, master. Can I sleep by him, master?”

I settled U-know in the middle of the bed. He clung to me for a moment, before releasing the grip of his arms.

“Yes, you can sleep by him,” I said.

“Yay!” he said and was immediately next to U-know, curled up against his side. U-know looked at me and I smiled and nodded. U-know’s arm went around my Dragon’s body. My Dragon smiled and shut his eyes with a deep breath. I covered them with a blanket. I kissed each of their cheeks and then went across the room to turn the light off. I made my way back in the dark, knowing from experience where all my tables and couches were. I climbed into bed, next to my newest toy, and let myself relax.


	2. Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I bought U-know, I thought it was just another purchase. I always had a bad habit of growing attached to my toys, but I have never fallen in love with one.

U-know took to his training very well. There were things I expected him to do that Jihoon already taught him to do, like crawling. Some toys have such a hard time with that. Jihoon’s initial introduction to me also proved correct: U-know could suck cock like a vacuum. I only had to teach him how to add finesse to a blow job. How to tease and draw out pleasure. He did so well, that I let him practice on my cock every day. It was such a hardship on my part.

The first time I had sex with him (almost three weeks after I bought him), he was so surprised to have an orgasm without pain that he cried afterward. He admitted that he hadn’t felt anything like that before. From the first time he was taken (by Jihoon the day he was purchased) to the day I walked in Jihoon’s office, he’d been in some type of pain.

I taught him how to properly use the toys Jihoon had tortured him with. That had been an interesting night. I never let my toys restrain me, but I ended up blindfolded with my hands tied to my headboard. U-know had coerced an orgasm from me with his fingers and mouth, and then pulled two more from me as he rode me for what felt like hours before he finally splattered my chest with come. Definitely an interesting night.

As pretty much everyone expected, my Dragon picked U-know to have sex with on his birthday, and it was the first time I really heard U-know laugh. My Dragon was so much fun to play with in bed and I let them play for much longer than normal. Normally, I allowed them one orgasm a piece in anyway they wished to get it, but I enjoyed watching them so much, that my Dragon had come three times from U-know fucking him before I stopped them.

A few customers had taken an interest in my Dragon, but I refused to sell him , and they bought another toy. I prided myself on pairing the right person with the right toy. And the men interested had only wanted him for his beauty, not for his personality or his energy.

I felt bad for my Dragon, because he wanted an owner so badly. I hated telling him that the man wasn’t good enough for him.

“You’re perfect, my Dragon,” I said. “The man who takes you has to be perfect too.”

“But, master, he bought Angel!”

“That’s because he was perfect for Angel. Don’t be greedy, my Dragon. I’ll find the right one for you.”

He pouted and I kissed his lips.

“I’m sorry, master. I just want …”

I smiled and picked him up, cradling him in my lap. “I know. But can’t I keep you for a little longer?”

He giggled when my fingertips traced his hip bones. He threw his arms around my shoulders and said, “I’m sorry, master. I’m happy with you. You know I am. I don’t mean to sound so ungrateful, master.”

“I know, my Dragon. Come on, I left our U-know in the bathtub. Let’s go make sure he’s clean and then get him dirty again.”

My Dragon laughed and bounded off my lap. He crawled in front of me and I frowned, following after him. I knew I would find someone for him soon. But most of me did not want to.

\---

One of my least favorite aspects to my company was the networking meetings. I loved wearing an expensive suit and eating sushi and drinking champagne, but the double speak and business jargon usually made my head spin. I went because it was these men who kept me in business.

“Jaejoong-shi!”

I turned to the sound of my name and smiled as Shim Changsung waved me over to his table. The Shim Family chaebol owned about a third of the Korean financial financial district. Next to him was a younger boy who had to be his son. He was introduced to me as Shim Changmin, twenty-two, intelligent, holder of an MBA and a Bachelor’s degree in International Trade and Economics. He’d studied in Japan, the United States and London before returning home.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t mind showing my son your merchandise,” Changsung-shi said to me.

I noted the concealed distaste on the young man’s face. “I would be honored, Changsung-shi. Is tomorrow morning convenient for you, Changmin-shi?”

Changmin-shi took a deep breath and then nodded. “That would be wonderful.”

 _Such a good little liar_ , but I instantly liked him. I wondered if he hated me for what I did or just hated what I did. It didn’t matter. Showing him around would let him see that I did not mistreat my toys. It was common for those who had been abroad to be upset with this particular system in South Korea, but other countries were worse.

Another man requested my attention and I gave Changmin-shi my card.

The next morning, the look on his face wasn’t so constrained, and he grimaced in anger when I opened the door. I knew he would, so that’s why I had both my Dragon and my handsome U-know on leashes behind me, and both of them naked. I held out the end of my Dragon’s leash, and Shim Changmin-shi looked like I had told him to eat a cup of bugs mixed with arsenic.

“No, thank you,” he said, lip curling.

I saw my Dragon pout. I patted his head and then said, “Follow me, Changmin-shi, let me show you around.”

“I’d rather not. I’m only here because my father--”

“Yes, I’m aware of that, but you still need to see that it’s not as horrible as you think it is.”

“You own people. And then sell them, how is that not what I think it is?”

“Master?” my Dragon whispered. He was shaking.

I kneeled down and cupped his cheek. “What’s wrong, my Dragon?”

“I … he doesn’t want me. Why don’t they want me?”

I looked up at Changmin and saw a bit of guilt in his eyes.

“I told you yesterday that someone would want you, and I’m not going to sell you to just anyone. Changmin-shi doesn’t want a toy at all. He’s only here on business from his father.”

I kissed his pout away, and said, “Come on. You and my handsome U-know can go play in the pool while Changmin and I talk.”

As we walked, I told Changmin about the dorms and the handlers and the exercises. His face grew more and more confused as I led him through the play area, the gym and then finally to the swimming pool. I unleashed my two toys and told them to go play. They fell in the water with each other and decided that U-know would carry my Dragon around like a merman. Changmin and I sat on plastic pool chairs.

“You look confused.”

He shook his head.

“You’ve been to other toy facilities before?” I asked.

He nodded once. “This … this is …”

“It’s why I charge so much for my toys, Changmin-shi. They aren’t just sex slaves. They are taught to cook and clean and massage as well as how to suck a cock and come on command.”

“Dragon is very young.”

“He’s fourteen, which is the age of most of my toys when I sell them.”

“But U-know …”

“He’s almost eighteen.”

His eyes widened in shock, and then he scowled. “He’s been whipped.”

“Not by me. His previous owner was incredibly sadistic. I take care of my toys, Changmin-shi. You don’t have to agree with the profession, but as a businessman, do you see the profit in it?”

“And you make a profit?”

“Yes. I purchased my Dragon for about eighty thousand. His price right now is a hundred and fifty.”

“He … but no one wants him?”

I smiled. “Oh, on the contrary. A lot of men want him. I had an offer last week of almost two hundred grand when I refused to sell him. But I won’t just sell my toys to whoever shows an interest. They have to be perfect for each other.”

“So it’s a fucked up form of matchmaking.”

I laughed. “So it is.”

“What if you don’t find a buyer for U-know before he’s eighteen?”

I frowned and looked at my toys playing in the pool. “It’s his choice. He can leave if he wants.”

“You allow them to leave when they’re eighteen?”

“That’s the law, Changmin-shi. I obey all the laws.”

He opened his mouth and then shut it again.

“I know a lot of places don’t, but I do. That’s why I charge so much. And that’s why you did not see any kennels, no cages, no torture rooms. I expect my clients to treat my toys as I treat them. It’s written in the contract I make them sign. When you’re with a toy for even a few months, training them, fucking them, worshiping them, you grow a little attached. I want to make sure that the client is going to love them and take care of them just as much as I do. Are you sure you don’t want one?”

He stuck his tongue out in distaste. “Yeah, no.”

“Okay. Come on. I’ll treat you to dinner.” I called my two toys out of the water, and they climbed out willingly and dried each other off. I noticed how Changmin’s eyes lingered on U-know’s body. I smirked. Maybe Changmin did want a toy, just not one so young. The age difference between them wasn’t too great. My U-know was not ready to be purchased just yet, but I’d think on it a bit more, and maybe let U-know and Changmin get more acquainted on a later date.

\---

Over the next couple of months, Changmin became a constant at the dormitories, my office and my house when I was actually there. I’d never come out and ask him why, but I think it was to calm his own conscious, work out a few of his own thoughts, and then we became friends. I also realized that he was not good for U-know, because Changmin did not want a toy. He got along well with U-know, and did not mind if U-know curled up at his feet or massaged his back. I enjoyed the lunch hours I spent with Changmin and we talked of business and politics and sports. His love life. Or the lack thereof. Men were more than willing to jump into bed with him. But they were always after his money.

U-know’s eighteenth birthday approached faster than I wanted it to. I grew nervous as each day added another one to it. But I still did not put him on the market. I was reluctant, since he was so old. It would be so hard to find someone so quickly. But in November, I could not longer put it off. U-know was trained as if he’d been here for two year and not just six months.

There were offers for him almost immediately. His price was low due to his age, but the gleam in some men’s eyes brought out the protective streak in me. Some I did not even allow to touch him.

The thought of U-know with someone else kept me up at night. I had to sell him soon, for his sake. I didn’t want him to feel unwanted.

One night, close to Christmas, I watched him sleep. I’d been doing that a lot lately. Many people noticed the heavy bags under my eyes, the unusual amount of coffee and alcohol I was drinking.

I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I wasn’t taking care of myself, but when I thought of selling U-know, my insides spun, leaving me breathless and nauseous.

Worry. I only worried about finding a proper owner for him before he was eighteen. That was all.

Or so I led myself to believe.

I touched him carefully, and only on his shoulder or chest, in places that would not wake him up. I could not stop touching him.

On my other side, my Dragon stirred, jerked and then sat up with a gasp. I rolled over and gathered him in my arms.

“Are you all right, my Dragon?” I whispered.

He buried his face in my neck and climbed into my lap. I sat up enough to prop us up against the headboard.

“Yes, master, just … nightmare.”

“About what?”

He shivered.

“Talking about your nightmares always helps.”

He shook his head and said, “It’s stupid, and …”

“Tell me, my Dragon.”

“No one bought me. No one. Ever. And I … I was running and it was dark and people touched me but it wasn’t nice and I fell and there was someone laughing, and …” His lower lip quivered and he looked at me, almost crying. “You were laughing at me, master,” he finished in a pained whisper. He blinked and the tears that had gathered at the edges of his eyes fell.

“Oh, my Dragon.” I held him close as he tried to muffle his sobs and not wake U-know up. “I would never do that. You know that.”

“I know, master. It … It was so scary. I want someone to buy me so much.”

“I know. Soon, my Dragon. Soon.”

He huffed in frustration and pushed away from me. “Why can’t you—“ He bit his lip and looked away from my stern look. “Sorry, master. I just … I don’t want …” He looked at U-know, still sleeping.

“You won’t be here until you’re eighteen, my Dragon.”

“What … what if I am? Then what?”

“Then you may stay here with me.”

“Is that what U-know is going to do?”

I glanced at my handsome toy and sighed. “I don’t know. He can leave if I don’t sell him soon.”

“I don’t think he will. He loves you.”

I flipped my gaze to my Dragon quickly. It was forbidden to speak of love, because love meant commitment, and my toys knew better than that. “What?”

He winced, like he’d said too much and he knew that he had. “N-nothing, master.”

“Did U-know say that?”

“N-no, but … He just—he looks at you all the time, master, and smiles at you all the time, and Aiden says that’s what Hyukkie does and he says that Hyukkie loves him and--” He shut his mouth quickly, now thinking he’d gotten the other two in trouble.

I smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t think U-know loves me, my Dragon. He’s probably just happy that he is no longer being abused.”

“Do you love him, master?”

I lowered my eyes at the innocent question. My Dragon did not understand love the way that love was supposed to be. Loving a toy and loving a person were just different things. I tried to make them the same. It’s what I did when I paired an owner with a toy. Maybe I was deluding myself. Love was not forbidden, but calling it love was. Did I love my handsome toy? The answer to that question was yes, because I loved him like I loved all my toys.

But did I love him as a person and not as a toy?

Nothing made sense suddenly.

I ran my fingers over my handsome U-know’s cheek. “Yes, my Dragon, I love him.”

“But it’s different than how you love me, right, master? It’s how Hyukkie and Aiden love each other?”

I knew I could not make my Dragon understand, so I nodded.

My Dragon squealed and then shut up quickly, hiding his smile behind his hand. “Then that means he doesn’t have to go away and you don’t have to sell him, master.”

I opened my mouth and then shut it, shaking my head. “No, that’s not what it means, my Dragon. I still need to find the perfect owner for him.”

He frowned, face scrunched up, thinking. “But, master, you find owners to love us like you love us and if you love U-know-hyung more than that, then …”

“That’s enough, my Dragon,” I said sharply, because he was making me think things that I was not supposed to think.

He inhaled sharply, lower lip quivering from my tone. I apologized quickly and kissed him until he was smiling again.

“Go back to sleep, my Dragon.”

He frowned. “Why don’t you sleep anymore, master?”

I shook my head. “I will. I promise.”

“Okay. Can I sleep by U-know-hyung, master?”

“Yes, my darling Dragon, you can.”

My Dragon kissed my cheek and then carefully climbed over U-know. He resettled, and then U-know turned over, spooning against him, leaving me alone. My heart filled with pain for a moment, and then I sighed and tried to get comfortable, molded against U-know’s back. My arm went around his waist and my fingers tangled with my Dragon’s.

U-know was my charge, my responsibility. I was supposed to find him a good home with a kind owner. I was not supposed to fall in love with him.

\---

Christmas was the only other time that my toys were allowed to fuck each other. Okay, fine. I will admit that I held a massive orgy. With sex as the norm, it was natural to use it as a gift for Christmas.

Our “parties” were held in the main gym, and I hired a team of decorators to fill the place with pillows and lights and streamers. This year’s theme was a tropical island. So even though there was almost three feet of snow outside, we lounged naked on beaches with overhead lamps making the room warm. There was even an area full of salt water to imitate the ocean.

Even though many of the handlers and toys wanted him, my U-know stayed by my side through most of the day. I tried not to think about it, thinking only that it was U-know’s first party and he was a little intimidated. But he smiled and laughed and played with some of the other toys, so yet again, it was only a delusion on my part.

At the new year, I always assigned my handlers to different toys. It kept them from getting attached. I made an exception for my Dragon since he would be sold soon, and also for my handsome toy. That one I rationalized as him being almost eighteen, but deep inside, I knew it was just because I didn’t want anyone else to touch him.

I knew these feelings and recognized them, but I tried to deny them and never admitted to myself my true feelings.

I was in my office on a Saturday. For the first time in six years, I forgot about my quarterly tax report. It was due on Monday. My birthday was in one week, and in order to keep them separate celebrations (another rationalization) I told U-know his birthday would be a week after that.

Two weeks, I had two weeks left with him.

Already upset, and still tired from a prolonged lack of sleep, it was no wonder that I forgot about the irritation of national taxes.

I had U-know with me. He sat on the floor by my chair. His fingers curled around my calf muscle, his head rested against my thigh. But that small reminder of what I was going to lose caused even more pain.

“Master,” U-know said.

“Yes, my handsome darling?” I’d started calling him that without realizing it.

“You keep sighing, master. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

I smiled down at him and ran my fingers through his hair. “No. Just kicking myself for forgetting about this.”

“I’m sorry, master. I’m too distracting.”

I let out a bark of surprised laughter and then leaned down to press a kiss to his lips.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I grinned seeing the display as “Yamapi-san”. I answered quickly and said hello in Japanese.

“Jaejoong! What is up, my friend?”

“Not much. At the office because I was stupid.”

“Sweet. How much longer are you going to be there?”

“A long time. Why?”

“Oh, I might be in town.”

“Really! Great. I’ll have the doorman let you in.”

“I brought a friend. A really excellent guy. He’s interested in purchasing something for you since I’ve been singing your praises for a couple of years.”

“All right. I’ll see how it goes when you get here.”

“Good. Be there in a few.”

I gnawed on my lower lip. I did not mind meeting strange people, I met them all the time, and this guy was a friend of Yamapi’s and I trusted Yamapi with my life. The feeling low in my stomach should have been called paranoia, but I pushed it aside as not eating enough. Concentrating on the numbers in front of me was even more difficult.

Yamapi and his friend showed up about twenty minutes later. With a flourish and a bow, Yamapi presented a latte to me.

“Oh, thank god,” I said, in English, and then continued in Japanese. “Thank you, friend. I really need this.”

“Dude,” he asked, sitting in one of my office chairs. The other man sat in the other. “What is wrong with you? You look like shit, and you’re supposed to look perfect.”

“It’s been a stressful couple of months.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Yamapi smirked at me and then said, “Jaejoong, this is Miyavi. He’s a business associate, a music producer in Tokyo. We’re in Korea for a little business of finding cute rocker boys to have a little pleasure with.”

I laughed and said hello to him. Miyavi was tall, definitely taller than me, but willowy. Scrawny. He wore white pants with laces on the sides. They were tied so the pants his at his mid-calf, the rest billowing on his thighs. He wore only a fishnet shirt under his unzipped hoody. His long hair was hidden in a hat, but I could see different chunks of blond and black. Tattoos and piercings littered his body. Lip, nose, nipple, that I could see.

“I see bare feet on the floor,” Yamapi said. “Who do you have sucking on your cock right now?”

I rolled my eyes and put my hand on Yunho’s shoulder, signifying that he should climb in my lap. He did easily, arms going around my neck. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “This is U-know,” I said in Korean. “U-know, this is Yamapi and Miyavi. They are Japanese.”

U-know suddenly turned shy, almost like a younger toy. He bit his lower lip and then bowed his head and said, “Konnichiwa, Yamapi-sama, Miyavi-sama. I am pleased to meet you.”

I watched Miyavi. His eyes absolutely gleamed. Not with lust or anger, but … anticipation. I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not.

“You never bring your toys to your office,” Yamapi said.

“I know, but I had been in the middle of something with my handsome darling and then quite suddenly remembered that I had quarterly taxes due.”

“Oops.”

“Yeah.”

“So what are your plans for the weekend?”

I looked at Yamapi like he was stupid. “Um, you’re looking at them.”

He leered. “Gonna fuck your toy all weekend?”

“Um, no.”

“Good, then we can.”

I glared at him. “You most definitely cannot.”

“Oh, come on, JaeJae. Miyavi is a prospective client. Don’t you want to make him happy?”

I smiled at Miyavi. “Yamapi told you my rules, I hope?”

“Yes, he did.”

I stuck my tongue out at Yamapi. “Stop trying to get a free fuck.”

Yamapi made a face. “What’s up with this one anyway? He seems older.”

I pressed a kiss to my handsome darling’s cheek. “He’s almost eighteen.”

“Wow. No takers?”

“Not the right taker. I’ve only had him on sale for a few weeks.”

“Would you allow me a closer look?” Miyavi asked, eyes raking down U-know bare torso and the tight black shorts he was currently wearing.

I felt my arms tighten around him. I could not keep him. I knew that. I sighed and nodded. “Miyavi wants to see you up close,” I said to U-know in Korean. “Go on, my handsome darling. Go say hello.”

Yunho slid down to the floor and crawled around the desk. He kept his eyes up, on Miyavi. The Japanese man smiled widely. U-know sat back, head tilted to the side, waiting instructions from Miyavi. Slender fingers caressed U-know’s cheek before trailing down his neck to his collar bones.

“You call him handsome,” Miyavi said, voice awed. “Fitting for this one.”

“He doesn’t speak Japanese,” I said quickly.

“I speak Korean,” Miyavi said, in Korean. “Hello, U-know-shi.”

U-know’s mouth opened and then he covered it with his hand and almost giggled. He’d been spending too much time with my Dragon. “Hello, Miyavi-sama. I’ve never been called ‘shi’ before.”

“It’s respectful with someone you just met, correct?”

U-know nodded and moved a little closer. I saw the signs in his face and body. The barely concealed excitement in possibly having an owner.

A sharp pain shot through my chest as Miyavi touched my handsome toy’s face again, and U-know moved next to him, hands on his leg. I looked at my paperwork and tried to blink away the blurriness.

Too attached to this one. Way too attached.

I knew it, and I could not help it.

To distract myself, I asked Yamapi about my friends in Japan. We laughed and talked for almost two hours. I slowly relaxed, but only because I was forcing myself not to look at Miyavi petting my toy. Not to listen to their quiet whispers.

This was not fair to U-know, not at all. I felt that Miyavi was not a good match for U-know, but I could not pinpoint why, and I wondered if it was my own feelings clouding my judgment. Or the lack of sleep. The lack of real food. Too much coffee.

At one am, realizing I was getting no work done, I moaned and put my head on the table. “Maybe I’ll just file for an extension this month. I’ve never been late before.”

“Naw, you’ll get them done tomorrow. You need to sleep.”

I nodded. “Do you guys have a hotel, or do you want to stay at the dorms?”

Yamapi’s eyes lit up. “The dorms. God, please.”

“Keep your hands off my toys, Yamapi.”

Yamapi grinned. “Then you’ll fuck me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Been there, done that. No thanks. But I’m sure I can arrange for a pair of pretty lips to wrap around your cock.”

“Fuck yes!” Yamapi said with a groan.

Miyavi laughed at him. To me, he said, “We will get a hotel. We do not want to impose when you have so much work to do.”

“Yes, we do,” Yamapi muttered.

I smiled at Miyavi. It was a bit strained, because he still had his fingers running through my handsome darling’s hair. “It’s not an imposition. We’ll go now. Did you take a cab here?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go. My limo is waiting outside, and I can’t concentrate anymore anyway.” I stood up and pondered my toy for a moment. The pain through my body was worse, my breath gone, everything blurred: I handed U-know’s leash to Miyavi. This was for the best. It was.

I kneeled down and hooked it to U-know’s collar. He smiled at me, happy, and I tried to smile back. I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and then stood up. I kept my face blank as I watched him rub against Miyavi’s thigh.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Yamapi said. “I need lips around my cock.”

\---

I finished my tax papers on Sunday. And I only did that because I locked myself in my office for eight hours. Alone. No further distractions. I couldn’t really see straight when I was done. I dropped the manila envelope at my accountant’s office. He’d double check everything and make sure I didn’t transpose numbers.

Yamapi and Miyavi stayed at the dorms for two days. I allowed them to play with my toys because Miyavi was a prospective client. They were not allowed to fuck them, but Yamapi’s cock was going to be permanently bruised from all the sucking. Miyavi had taken a liking to my handsome darling, and it hurt every time I saw U-know smile up at him.


	3. Kiss Me

The night before Yamapi and Miyavi were scheduled to leave, the five of us (me, Yamapi, Miyavi, my Dragon and my U-know) were in my rooms. Yamapi and I were sitting in arm chairs, drinking scotch. Miyavi and my two toys were playing yutnori in the middle of the floor.

I kept glancing at them, and losing the thread of our conversation.

Yamapi chuckled, low in his throat. I knew that Miyavi had heard him, and seen the look I shot him, but my toys hadn’t. They were playing against Miyavi as a team and were currently discussing tactics.

“What?” I almost snapped.

“You grow attached to your toys too easily, my friend,” Yamapi said. “But I can’t tell which one has your heart strings tied in knots right now.”

“Fuck off,” I said and looked back at my toys.

Yamapi smiled.

“Miyavi-sama?” my Dragon said, tilting his head to the side.

“Yes, Dragon-in-ah?”

My Dragon smiled widely at the endearment. He giggled and then composed himself. He crawled over to Miyavi and said, “Do you like me or U-know more?”

“My Dragon,” I said, warning him.

He looked over at me, and then bit his lower lip.

“I like you both,” Miyavi said, chucking my Dragon under his chin.

“Are you going to buy one of us, Miyavi-sama?”

“Dragon,” I said, more harshly.

Miyavi smiled at me, and then down at my Dragon. “I don’t know. Should I?”

“Yes.”

“And who should I choose? You are the most adorable toy Jaejoong has, but U-know is amazing too.”

“Then you should buy us both.”

“Dragon, you know better than that,” I said.

My Dragon sat with his legs crossed and pouted at the floor.

“Sorry,” I said to Miyavi, “he’s eager to be purchased.”

Miyavi laughed. “I can tell. What about you?” he said, petting U-know’s shoulder. “Are you eager to be purchased?”

“Yes, but not as eager as Dragon is, Miyavi-sama. He’s eager about everything.”

Miyavi laughed, and so did I because it was so true. My Dragon continued to pout. I smiled and then said, “It is way past time for you two to be in bed, isn’t it?”

“Yes, master,” they chorused.

“Go on to the bathroom and take a bath.”

My Dragon pouted up at Miyavi and then said, “You’re not leaving, are you Miyavi-sama?”

“No, Dragon. Not until tomorrow.”

“Okay. Will you ask my master if I can sleep with you tonight?”

“Dragon!”

He smiled at me, unrepentant.

“Go. Now. You are very close to being punished.”

He turned around and followed after U-know. As soon as the door shut behind them, I took a deep breath and sagged in my chair.

Miyavi sat cross-legged and stared at me with a smile on his face.

“What?” I asked.

“Which one are you in love with?” Yamapi asked.

“Fuck off. I’m not in love with them.”

“Liar,” Yamapi sang.

I glared at him and looked at Miyavi. “Which one would you like?”

He smiled. Enigmatic. Annoying. He shook his head. “I enjoy them both. Hell, I enjoyed Aiden and Key and Seungri. All your toys are tempting.”

“Why are you even asking him?” Yamapi said. “You never give your clients a choice. You introduce them to who they work well with.”

“And so I did,” I replied. “It’s not my fault he met U-know before he met my Dragon.”

“You think I would work well with Dragon?” he said, head tilting.

“Yes.”

I sighed again, because I wasn’t sure if it was that, or if it was just because I didn’t want to let U-know go. My feelings for him were clouding my judgment again, and I hated it. But at the same time, I could not ignore the way Miyavi looked at my Dragon, or the way the two laughed and played with each other.

“You have similar personalities,” I continued, trying to convince myself that it was the right thing to do, “and he seems to genuinely like you. I’ve been doing this for long enough, Miyavi, and I’ve learned to watch actions and reactions. Your initial reaction to U-know was definitely a good one, but If you had met my Dragon first, I think your reaction to him would have been a little more extreme.”

Yamapi snorted. “He acted like a love-sick girl when Dragon first smiled at him and called him sama.”

I nodded. “And that’s what I look for in a prospective owner. Yes, I also think that you would do well with U-know. Unlike some, you don’t mind that he’s almost eighteen. But the difference is in your look. You look at U-know like you want to fuck him. You look at Dragon like you want to make him the happiest toy in the whole world.”

Miyavi looked at Yamapi. “He’s good.”

Yamapi grinned. “I told you so.”

“He’s a lot more expensive than U-know though.”

I nodded. “Yeah. He’s in high demand, all that fun stuff.”

“How much can I talk you down in the price for him?”

I grinned. “You can’t. Sleep with him tonight, and then you’ll understand why.”

Miyavi laughed, and then smiled at Yamapi. “I get a toy for the night.”

“Fuck you, bitch.”

I turned to Yamapi. “When are you going to buy a toy?”

“When you’ll let me.”

I thought about it for a moment. “You know. I have this Japanese boy. He doesn’t speak Japanese, because he was born in Korea, and he’s not ready yet, but I’ll let you meet him tomorrow.”

“Ooh. You’re holding out on me?” He put his hand to his heart. “I’m hurt, my friend. So wounded.”

“Just wait until tomorrow. You know I love you, Pi.”

“What’s his name?”

“Tegoshi. Pretty thing, too, for almost fifteen. He’s a cocky slut, though. I think you can handle him.”

“Oh, god, I’m already hard. Let me see him tonight.”

“No. I’m sure his handler already has him in bed.”

“Damn. God, now I’m excited.”

I smiled. “Come on, Miyavi. Let’s go get our toys from the bathroom and leave Yamapi to take care of himself with the whiskey as his companion.”

They laughed. Miyavi stood up and followed me to the bathroom. My Dragon and U-know were splashing each other in the tub, laughing.

“Is this a swimming pool, my lovely toys?” I asked.

They stopped immediately, looking down, trying to look contrite, but smiling.

I handed a towel to Miyavi and then took one of my own. “My handsome toy, come on. Let’s go to bed. Dragon is going to sleep with Miyavi tonight.”

“Really, master?” my Dragon said, eyes widening, mouth threatening to split from his smile.

“Yes, really. Be good. Don’t make me change my mind.”

My Dragon shook from excitement as he climbed from the tub. He kneeled and shivered more as Miyavi dried him off.

U-know climbed out of the tub, smiling at me. I stopped him before he could kneel, wrapping the towel around him. I kissed his lips softly. My heart swelled from … something … because I was going to keep him for a little longer. And then guilt filled me. He would be eighteen in less than three weeks. This may have been his only chance. But I knew that Miyavi and my Dragon were more suited for one another.

“When was the last time I carried you?” I whispered.

“A long time, master.”

“You’re heavier now. And taller. God, how much are you going to grow?” He was almost taller than I was.

He grinned, and I kissed him again. A little more forceful. A feeling of relief filled me and then I tried to rationalize it away.

I couldn’t. I knew in that moment, in that bathroom, that I was too attached to U-know.

I pulled away from the kiss and said, “Miyavi, you don’t have to wait for us. You know where your room is.”

“M-master?” my Dragon said.

I turned to them.

Miyavi had wrapped him in the towel and picked him up. My Dragon frowned at me.

“What’s wrong, my Dragon?”

He held out his hands and I smiled and moved over to them for a moment. His arms wrapped around my neck and he kissed my skin briefly.

“Thank you, master.”

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. I hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead. “Have fun tonight, okay. But remember …”

“No sex. I know, master.” He looked back up at Miyavi, and the adoration in both of their eyes is what I looked for when pairing a toy with someone.

Miyavi turned around and left the bathroom. My handsome toy had fallen to his knees, and I held out my hand. He took it and I pulled him back to his feet.

“Come to bed with me, my handsome toy.”

U-know smiled widely at me, and my breath caught. I turned my back before he could analyze my expression. Or before I could. I held his hands, and then put them around my waist, so my back was molded to his chest while we walked through the room. Yamapi had left the main area, probably already in his room. We went to the bed. I pushed U-know to the mattress and then straddled his lap. I stared and wondered, doubting, if this was love in his eyes, or just a toy with his master?

How long could I be in denial? How long could I keep the truth from myself and from him? I had to say it. Say it out loud and make this real.

“My handsome.” My voice broke.

He frowned, worried. “Master?”

I shook my head, throat suddenly tight, closed. I leaned down and put my face at his neck, inhaling. His arms wrapped around my body, and I let him hold me close, pressed together, on top of the blankets. I played with the still-wet strands of his hair. Maybe he did not feel love for me yet. Maybe he would. If I explained … If I showed him what it was like. But was that fair to him? Was it fair to take away his chance at having a real owner?

“Are you sad that Dragon is going away, master?”

I smiled and then nodded. “Yes. But … but, god, I’m so selfish, my darling. I’m so selfish.”

He looked confused. I pressed a kiss to his lips briefly.

“I am sad that Dragon is going away,” I said, swallowing past the lump in my throat, “but I’m so glad it’s not you who is leaving me.”

He smiled and whispered, “M-me too, master.”

I let out a rush of breath, spun us over so we were lying on our sides, and wrapped myself up in his arms and legs and body as tightly as I could, pressing my cheek against his bare chest. I wanted to beg him to stay with me, beg him to never leave, beg him to let me purchase him. But it was not fair to him. It wasn’t.

I rolled away with a cry and curled up with a pillow. I could not touch him. Not until I calmed down. Not until my heart stopped aching.

His warm hand settled my arm, and I inhaled sharply.

“M-master.”

I bit my lip on a promise, on a demand, on a declaration. It was not love. I wasn’t. Just … too attached and too … emotional, and stressed.

Someone would buy U-know. Someone would. And then I’d …

I’d what?

Get over it?

I did not want to get over it.

His hand went further, sliding over my arm, to my waist. The heat from his body curled around me. “Master, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, my darling. Nothing.”

I felt him swallow, and then very softly, he said, “M-master?”

“What?”

“I … I don’t want …”

He stopped and I was glad he did, because no matter what he said next, I wasn’t going to like it. I wasn’t going to accept it.

I rolled on my back, and he stayed next to me, on his side. I reached up and touched his cheek. He leaned into the touch. I curled my fingers around his jaw and pulled him down for a deep kiss. I pulled on his body until he was over me, pressing his hips into mine, arms by my head. I gripped his back, holding him as tightly as I could as I tried to kiss him harder, take him deeper into my mouth.

My darling moaned, and the noise spun around us, echoing through the room.

I broke away with a gasp as pleasure clouded my thoughts, and my heart felt like it was going to stop. His lips touched my jaw, unbidden, unrequested, but not unwanted. I tilted my head back, gasping into the dark as he kissed down my neck. His fingers played with my t-shirt until he pushed it up and hit skin. I gasped, leaned up and grabbed the back of it. It tore as I ripped it over my head.

I never lost control with my toys, but tonight, I was going to. I knew it, and I should have stopped it. Instead, I pushed U-know over, forcefully enough that he landed on his back, releasing a gust of air. I straddled his waist and attacked his neck with my lips and teeth. I was shaking badly. His moans filled the room as I littered his skin with bites and hickys. I never, ever marked my toys, but U-know was mine. All mine. And not for sale. Not ever.

U-know gasped under the treatment. His little whimpers spurred me on because no one had ever treated him this way. Jihoon had taken him, forced him, but JIhoon did not love him.  
  
I loved him. I loved U-know more than I thought I could.  
  
With an agonized moan, I pulled away from the mark I’d been imprinting on his chest. Again, I curled away from him. Our heavy breathing echoed in the room for long minutes.  
  
He pressed a hand to my back, warm, hot, possessive. Maybe I thought the last one. This was not fair to U-know. He knew no differently. He did not know what love was, what proper love was. I would show him. If he’d let me, but I would never force myself on him. Not like this.  
  
But also, U-know would choose to stay with me, if I asked him. I think … the fear of him saying no kept me from asking. Slowly the hand lowered, resting at the top of my pants.  
  
My darling was probably so confused.  
  
I looked over my shoulder. His eyes were shut, there were wet shining lines on his cheeks. Panic flooded me.  
  
“My darling?” I whispered and turned quickly to wipe his tears away.  
  
“I-I’m sorry, master,” he said, voice breaking. “I-If … maybe, if I were younger, you … would w-want me, and … ” He turned his face away from me.  
  
I turned it back with a firm grip on his chin. I kissed his quivering lips. “You are perfect as you are, my handsome toy.” I crawled over him again, movement softer and sincere. “I’m so sorry. You make me crazy, my darling. So fucking crazy.”  
  
He frowned and I kissed it away. “That is not a bad thing,” I continued. “I … Well, …” I had to be careful, and word this properly. “Do you want an owner?”  
  
“Yes, master.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“B-because, well, isn’t that the point, master? To be purchased before I’m eighteen.”

“I told you that when you turn eighteen you do not have to leave here. You can stay.”

“I-I know, master.”

“Do you want to leave?”

The conflict on his face was almost painful.

“I’m sorry, my darling. That was a poorly worded question.” I kissed him again, slow, more like how we normally kiss. His lips stopped shaking. I sucked his lower lip into my mouth and nibbled on it lightly. His fingers pressed against my back, like he was too distracted from the kiss to actually clench. His breath gasped between us.

This was not fair to him, because the love I felt coursing through me for this toy was not the same as it should have been. Guilt filled me. U-know knew nothing different. He did not know of the real world or how things worked.

But was that true? He’d been in the hands of a sadistic bastard for nine years. Maybe he did understand.

I pulled away from his lips with a whimper. _I love you_ hung on my lips, but my voice refused to say it. I could not take his options away. Confessing would bind him to me and he … maybe he wanted it. But maybe that was my own thoughts.

“Master,” he said, and he touched my face. My cheeks were wet. “Why are you crying, master?”

The concern in his voice clenched my heart even more tightly. I gripped his wrists and kissed his palm, shaking my head, eyes shut. I felt the tears spread by his fingers. I pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry, my darling,” I whispered and kissed his fingertips. I lay next to him, facing away from him. I couldn’t look at him. When he curled up to my back, I let myself cry again. I did not know if he slept. I know I did not.

\---

My emotions from the night before rolled over to the next morning as we said goodbye to my Dragon. He was afraid because he was not only being purchased, but he was going to have to move to a different country and learn a different language, but the way Miyavi coddled him and touched him and smiled at him, I knew that they were a good match.

It was not just my feelings for U-know that made me think that.

That was a relief, but … but what if someone else came along who was a good match for my handsome darling?

I did not want to think about that.

My Dragon cried, and I let myself cry also, to show him that I would miss him. He’d been with me for a long time. Longer than some toys.

I did not regret my decision to sell him to Miyavi. After their night together, I had never seen my Dragon happier.

“I love you, master,” my Dragon whispered as I hugged him close.

I smiled and whispered it back, because it was true. I loved my Dragon as he loved me. My heart hurt from letting him go, like it usually did when I sold a toy. But it was nothing compared to the pain of thinking of saying goodbye to my U-know.

My Dragon pulled back from my neck and kissed my cheek. “Will you come and visit me?”

I looked past him, to Miyavi, and then I nodded after Miyavi did. “Maybe one day, when I’m in Japan.”

My Dragon hugged me again, legs tightening around my waist and arms around my neck.

I chuckled. “Come now, my Dragon. Miyavi is going to think you don’t want to go with him.”

My Dragon pulled away quickly, eyes wide with fear. “I … I don’t mean--”

I pressed a single kiss to his lips. “I know,” I said and took a few steps to Miyavi. He held his arms out and my Dragon climbed from my arms to his.

We said our final goodbyes, and I watched as Miyavi walked away. My Dragon curled in his arms, but he smiled and waved goodbye, and I smiled back. I was really going to miss him.

My handsome darling kneeled next to me. We’d allowed them to say goodbye too. I touched his head, fingers in his hair. He arched into the touch. I frowned at the many dark marks on his neck and shoulders. I could not show him again until they were gone, and that would take a few days. Yamapi said to cover them in make up, but that was not an option. My toys were not made up and hidden behind a layer of fake perfection. I only showed potential owners perfection.

I sighed. “Come on, my handsome darling, let’s go get some breakfast.” I tugged on his hair and he crawled after me.

\---

Two sleepless nights later, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. My handsome darling lay next to me as always. A man had showed an interest in him, just by me describing him, but again, I knew it was not because he wanted my darling, just his body.

Not that I blamed him.

U-know’s body had filled out. He worked out in the gym everyday, and his muscles were more defined than my younger toys. He was growing into himself, and I felt like he grew three centimeters every day.

My emotions ran wild, unbidden, all over. I kept U-know by me, and I know that made it worse, but the thought of him being with anyone else was so painful. I took him everywhere, to the point where I was treating him like my own toy, rather than one I had to sell. He didn’t mind. He enjoyed being with me. I knew he did. And knowing it was stupid, I once again postponed the day when I would mark him as eighteen on my records. I took a possible week away from him being sold by marking him up, so I added it, as my own punishment for losing control.

Day by day, the marks faded on his body. As they healed, I grew more jumpy, more emotional, snappy.

Changmin called me a bitch more than once, and when Changmin of all people started calling you a snarky bitch, then you know something was wrong. But fixing what was wrong is what made me even jumpier, more emotional and snappier. It was a vicious circle. And I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to break the cycle.


	4. Have Me

I had more than just taxes to do. Inventory was due to the Slave Traders Government Association every three months. I had to compile receipts and transactions for everything I purchased, not just my toys. Food, supplies, utility bills. Every little thing that went into my business had to be documented and approved. After Yamapi purchased Tegoshi, I had sold a total of four slaves in the last three months. I never went through inventory that fast. It made the paperwork a bitch, since every detail had to be documented. Sometimes I wished I did things the “normal way”: the other toy facilities faked their documents and didn’t even list most of their sold toys. Everything was done with cash and under the table. It would have made my life easier, but to see the look on my toys’ faces compared to those in other facilities, it was worth it to do things right. Some proprietors forgot that their toys were people too.

U-know, once again, sat on the floor next to my office chair. His head rested on my lap, his fingers gripped my pant leg.

I set my pen down and turned off the screen of my laptop. I needed a break. I ran my fingers unconsciously through U-know’s hair and then tugged up. He rose and followed my lead until he was straddling my lap. My arms went around his waist, over the blue shorts he was wearing.

“My handsome darling,” I said with a smile and pulled him to me for a kiss.

We kissed for long minutes, and I barely realized that he was controlling it. I was tired of controlling things. I needed someone to take the lead for a moment. His hands ran over my shoulders, and then up, into my hair. I moaned and pulled him closer, but at the same time leaned forward, until his back was against my desk. I ended the kiss and stared at his body. One of my hands ran down his stomach.

His cock was hard, bulging under the blue cloth.

“Master Jaejoong?”

“Yes, my darling?”

He looked down for a moment, and his voice shook as he said, “M-may I say something without getting in trouble?”

I smiled. “That depends on what you want to say.”

He bit his lower lip, unsure. I covered the distance between our lips again and sucked it into my mouth. He moaned, hands falling to my chest. He slid them up to my shoulders, but this time under my sport coat. I leaned forward until I could pull it off. Our lips stayed together as both of us tried to unbutton my shirt.

The heat and tension between us skyrocketed as his hands landed hot against my chest. The shirt was tossed somewhere. My tank top followed it. He pressed his hands against my chest, warm palms on my nipples. I groaned, and gripped behind his thighs and lifted him to my desk, pressing over him. His legs wrapped around my waist. I kissed him harder, possibly desperately I wasn’t sure, because everything faded save for the feel of his skin on my hands, his lips on mine. I tugged on his shorts and his hips rose and legs straightened and the shorts fell to the floor, slipping from my fingers. I ran my hands up and down his naked body.

I felt the tears prick in the corners of my eyes.

I had stopped having sex with U-know to train, and had started doing it for my own pleasure. It was selfish. We both knew it. We both refused to say it out loud, because then I would stop. Nothing we did hit the levels of passion from the night I lost control and marked him.

I wanted to lose control again. I dropped to my knees and pushed at his inner thighs, clenching tightly. He moaned and gripped behind his knees. I spread him open and licked at his entrance.

“Oh, m-master, please.”

I wanted to tease, draw an orgasm from him just like this, but I was impatient. I forced a mouthful of spit into his body and then pushed two fingers into him. He cried out, arching off the desk. I pumped and spread them over and over, heart clenching, eyes wide with disbelief.

The thought of someone else doing this to my darling had my vision blurring, tears falling.

His fingers touched my cheek, and I leaned into them and stood up. I kept my fingers inside him, moving slowly and kissed the bend in his hip, eyes shut. I did not want to look at him. If I looked at him, I would have said something … stupid.

I licked his cock, drawing a low moan from him that turned to a gasp as I sucked it into my mouth. I felt it pulse, hard, in my throat. I took him deep, spread my fingers and forced a third into him, even though it wasn’t lubed enough. He panted, hands falling in my hair. I sucked harder, against so desperate from the thought of someone else doing this to him.

His cock pulsed again, flooding my mouth with precome.

“M-master, please, please, I …”

He wasn’t allowed to come unless he had permission. That was what I taught them, but I did not want to do that with him. I wanted him to come because of what I was doing to him, not because I told him to. And because he was trying to stop himself from coming, I was able to suck on him for a very long time.

I pampered his cock and balls, sucking lightly, and then more forcefully. Pressing my tongue on the vein while squeezing his balls lightly with my other hand. Spit gathered and dripped down, adding a bit of slickness to his entrance. I fingerfucked him steadily. My cheeks ached, my back ached from the angle, but just as I was about to pull away, my darling moaned and his cock pulsed against in my mouth. I sucked him deep again, tightening my throat and felt his orgasm as it jerked through his cock. I smiled at the last moment, and then twisted my fingers just right as he came hard, fingers almost ripping out my hair. I swallowed his release, sucking him through it until I realized he was gasping in shame.

I let his cock fall from my lips and then kissed up his body.

“I-I’m sorry, m-master, I …”

I kissed him silent, sharing his taste with him. “You held out for a lot longer than I thought you would,” I said, smiling to show him I was not upset. “Don’t feel bad, my darling. I was trying to make you come.”

His chest rose and fell in heavy gasps. I traced the lines of his face with my fingers, and then pressed one more kiss to his lips.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here and into a proper bed.”

I found his shorts, but when he tried to stand up, he staggered. I laughed and held him steady and then lifted him onto my back, hands under his thighs. His arms went around my neck. I carried him to my car and settled him in the passenger seat. I drove back to the dorms and again carried him to my rooms.

He’d recovered from his orgasm, but his breath still caught then I started undressing. I smiled over at him as I pulled my pants and boxers off.

“You’re so beautiful, master,” he whispered.

I climbed over the bed, over him, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “So are you, my darling. You wanted to ask me something before and I got distracted.”

He shook his head and said, “It’s not important, master, please kiss me again.”

Like I would say no to that. I kissed him softly, letting his tongue touch mine first, keeping our lips apart, tongues together, licking at his upper lip, chewing on his lower. He moaned and then settled shaking hands on my back. I taught my toys to ask permission before touching or kissing or anything. He tightened his hold until our bodies joined, and then he rolled us over.

I knew he was nervous, but I did not stop him from doing what he wanted. Our kiss continued, his hands ran up and down my chest, fingers teasing my nipples. He tugged on the piercing, and then pulled his lips away, looking at me. His eyes were slightly wide, probably from his own daring.

“Do you want one, darling?” I whispered.

He swallowed and raised a shoulder. The answer to that was an answer to everything else. My toys were not pierced or tattooed in my care. Again, I wanted to sell a perfect product and a prospective owner may not have liked it.

“Yes, master, I want one.” His voice held a determination that I did not understand. I didn’t want to hope that’s what it meant.

“Maybe for your birthday,” I whispered, because if he was eighteen, he could make his own choice.

He chewed on his lower lip. “M-master?”

“Yes, my darling.”

“When is my birthday, master?”

I frowned and shook my head. “In a few weeks, I’ll mark the paper work.”

“I wish you would do it tomorrow, master,” he whispered and then captured my lips in a kiss before I could reply. Not that I’d be able to say anything.

Conflicting thoughts soared through my head as he demanded rough kisses from me. Did that mean he wanted to stay? Why did he want to stay? Why was he … what if he …

I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him up, away from me. I stared at him, eyes slightly wide. He looked away, lower lip shaking, like he was holding back his gasps. I rolled out from under him, and sat on the edge of the bed. I had to take a few deep stabilizing breaths. He lay behind me, entirely too quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

I opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. I heard his breath hitch and turned around. I could not hear him because he had his face buried in a pillow, but his back was shaking. Crawling over him, I left wet kisses up his legs and ass and shoulders. I poured lube on my fingers and then pressed three of them into him at once. His head lifted with a gasp, and his back bowed.

“Don’t cry, my darling,” I whispered, lips against his shoulder. “Please, don’t cry.” _Don’t cry because then I’ll want to hold you and comfort you and keep you and worship you for the rest of my life._

He moaned as I spread my slick fingers. His head turned and our lips met in a sideways kiss. He was still gasping, but I’m sure it was more from my fingers than his previous tears.

I removed my fingers slowly, and then wrapped them around my cock. I stroked myself twice, and then held the base. I had to bend my knees more before I could push into my darling’s perfect body. He gasped again, folding his arms, hiding his face from mine. His entire body clenched as I pressed into him all the way. If I hadn’t known better, i would have thought I had hurt him. But as my heart clenched and my chest tightened and my breath stopped, maybe I had hurt him the same way.

I hoped I did.

I pulled out slowly, and he whimpered something. It could have been my name, but he knew better than that.

I slid in and out of him similar to how I had kissed him and played with him. Slow, even, steady. I could have sped up and come right away, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be inside my darling for as long as I could, just in case this was the last time.

U-know clawed at the bed, hips rising, and I slid into him deeper. We both moaned as I sped up my thrusts. He pushed back, moans full of emotion. I could not ignore that. I leaned over him, unsurprised to see tears on his cheeks..

“My darling,” I said, worried. I slowed, but he grunted and pushed back, meeting my thrusts. He tried to lift himself upt but his elbows shook too much. I wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. He whimpered and then sighed as our bodies aligned, our movements fell into sync. I rocked in and out of him, shallow but firm. He was no longer crying, but his eyes were shut. I kissed his neck and shoulder, and once again lost control and marked him, sucking and chewing on his skin.

“Mas-master, master.”

“Don’t wait for me, my darling,” I whispered. “Come whenever you want.”

He shook his head, like that wasn’t what he was panicking about. He turned his head again and our lips met in a wet kiss. He pushed up suddenly, and I fell back to my knees. He went with me, in my lap. His arm wrapped around my neck, fingers twisting in my hair. He lifted himself up and down, and I froze, letting him control it. I buried my face in his shoulder again, marking his other side.

“F-fuck, m-master, I … d-don’t. Please-d-don’t.”

“Don’t what?” I whispered. I doubt he heard it over his own cries. I ran my hand around his hip and stroked his cock. He whimpered, speeding up. I spread my legs for a bit of stabilization and so I could thrust up, into his body. He moaned low. I licked up sweat dripping over his shoulder. My other hand found his nipple, squeezing and twisting the nub.

“Don’t what?” I asked again, twisting harder.

“D-don’t-fuck … don’t, don’t stop, please, please.”

“That is not what you were going to say, my darling.”

He shook his head, chest rising and falling with deep gasps. He moaned and jerked into my hand with a whimper. His entrance clenched around me tightly, squeezing enough that I saw stars. He was trying to distract me, trying to get me to come, and as he moaned and fell forward again, I knew it was working. I gripped his hips and slammed into him, harder.

He screamed, hands gripping the headboard, trying to steady himself. I had never been this rough with him. I let him feel my fingernails, scraping them down his thighs as I pounded into him. He started pleading, but his words melded into incoherent really fast. I dragged my hand up his back, and tangled my fingers in his hair. I pulled, stretching his head back.

“Tell me,” I growled.

He was crying now, and I yanked harder. He put his hand higher on the headboard, so his body was angled. I canted into him deeper, yanking my hand back at the same time.

“Tell me,” I demanded.

His body shivered, and his mouth opened, breath gasping between his moans. His whole body tensed, on edge. My orgasm rushed through me, rolling and twisting until I couldn’t see straight. I pulled tighter and sped up even more.

“U-know, god. .. just … fuck.”

My body stopped moving, pressed against his skin. I shuddered, his name slipping past my lips in a pained whisper. I came, pumping into him and then jerking my hips again, prolonging the pleasure tearing through me. He thrust back, taking me hard as I froze from the pleasure. I curled around his back, kissing his skin with an open mouth as he lowered his body to his knees. I knew he was stroking his cock, and I moved as much as I could. For a brief moment, it did not feel like I was his owner and he was my slave. For a moment, it felt like I was with my lover, with my partner, with the man I would be with for the rest of my life.

Maybe that’s why my lips found his ear, and maybe that’s why the words I tried so hard to deny finally passed my lips in the softest whisper.

“I love you.”

He whimpered, and then his body clenched around me again, and I moaned, whispering to my lover over and over. Desperation grew in my voice and then he turned his head, our lips met and his body shuddered violently.

Our movements slowed, our breath steadied, and then U-know fell to the bed with a whimper.

A moment later, panic filled me because I had told him over and over that I loved him, and now … now …

“Don’t sell me, please, don’t sell me.”

I froze, staring at him as his back rose and fell with heavy breaths.

“P-please, p-please don’t. I don’t want to leave.”

I swallowed, and then looked away from him. The bed moved and his cries increased, and still I sat there, gripping my own thighs as my cock softened and guilt filled me. Stubborn tears fell down my cheeks.

“I don’t want to be anyone else’s,” he said in the silence.

I dared a glance at him. His eyes were rubbed raw, red and wet. My heart clenched to go comfort him.

“Please,” he said again, and then turned away with a cry when I continued to say nothing.

It’s not like I didn’t try, I just couldn’t. My throat was too tight.

I reached for him, and let my hand fall short of his body. He flinched, like he felt it.

“Oh, my darling,” I whispered and finally curled around him. But he stayed tense, breath labored.

I kissed his shoulder, at the edge of a purpling hicky. Fuck. I sighed and said, “What do you want, my darling?”

He tried to pull away from me as he rapidly shook his head.

“You don’t want me to sell you?”

“N-no.”

“Why not?”

He said nothing else, but he let me put my arms around him, under his head and one around his waist. He thought he was in trouble.

I sighed and said, “My darling. Why don’t you want me to sell you?”

When he still didn’t answer, I sighed and pressed a kiss to the skin below his ear. “Then I will talk and you will listen, since you don’t want to talk. I love you so much, my handsome darling. But it isn’t fair to you, it isn’t, you should not be stuck with me and …”

“Stuck with you,” he said, turning his head. Our lips brushed and he pulled away far enough so we could stare at each other. “I don’t want to be stuck with you. I want to be with you, master.”

My heart almost broke. “My darling--”

He struggled and I let him go. He rolled away, on his stomach, face buried in the pillow.

“Please, please. Don’t make me go.”

“When you’re eighteen--”

“Who says I’m not, master?” he asked, turning his head. “How do you know I’m not eighteen right now?”

I hated to see the anguish in his eyes and I moved forward.

“I could be eighteen now. You’re the one who has to to mark it, master.”

Right there. Throwing it to me. My choice.

I did not want to make this choice, but he had made his. He wanted to stay.

I swallowed.

He sighed and looked away. After a moment, he whispered, “May I go clean up, master?”

“Y-yes.”

I lay on the bed, not watching as he moved across the room. He walked. He did not crawl.

“You said you loved me,” he said, and I picked up on the pain in his words just before the bathroom door slammed.

I rolled over to the space he had occupied, buried my face in the same pillow and screamed. I let myself cry. Because he wanted to stay. And I couldn’t let him, or could I? If I did, was I only being selfish? Many toys wanted to stay with me until I found the perfect owner for them. What would happen if someone found him after he was already mine?

I needed someone to smack some sense into me. If I purchased him, went through the proper work and signed the right papers, then he was mine, and I wouldn’t show him to anyone else.

God, I was stupid.

I pushed myself up and went to the bathroom. Steam filled the room. U-know was in the shower. His blurry image was bent over, arm on the wall. I opened the door. He flinched, but did nothing else as I slid my hand over his hip and around his waist. I hugged his body and pulled him away from the wall. We stood in the shower spray, cheeks pressed together. He’d been crying again.

“I love you,” I whispered, “but …”

“You should have stopped with I love you, master.”

There was sarcasm in his voice that he could have only picked up from Changmin.

I chuckled. “I do love you, my darling, but you have to understand what you’re giving up, what you’re accepting and what you’re asking of me by keeping you.”

He turned in my arms, and his eyes were serious. The laughter and joy that shone from them was gone and I wanted to bring it back. The words I had said to Miyavi last night echoed in my head: _you want to make him the happiest toy in the whole world_.

And I did. I wanted that happy light back in his eyes.

“You won’t have all of my attention, first of all,” I said. “I have a business to run which means that I have other slaves and other duties and I still have to train them and I still have to fuck them and hold them and …”

He was nodding. “And?” After a moment, he added, “Master.”

I was stunned because I was not used to him being so abrasive. “And what, my darling? You deserve someone that gives you their attention.”

“You do, master. How many times have you told me how distracting I am?”

I smiled. “Well, that is true. You are very distracting.”

He almost smiled. And then he looked away, turning around to douse his head in the shower. I took the loufa and body wash, and after pouring a liberal amount, I scrubbed his body, fingers digging into his muscles.

“I’ve never fallen in love with a toy, my darling. It’s thrown my mental and emotional system all out of whack. I am afraid that … in the next few weeks, someone will come who is perfect for you.”

“Why can’t you be perfect for me, master?”

I shook my head and then said, “That’s what I’m most afraid of, my darling. I can’t give you the attention you deserve.”

“It’s been fine, so far, master.”

I ran the loufa over my body quickly and then rinsed it out. “Think about it.”

“I have been.” He spun around, and his eyes were full of hurt. And anger. “I’ve been thinking about it for weeks,” he whispered and crossed his arms, rubbing his biceps.

I brought my hand up and cupped his cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you, my darling. This … this …”

He actually tore his face from my hands. “Then sell me to the next person who offers, and you don’t have to look at me anymore.”

“Dar--”

“Please don’t call me that, master. Not … not if you’re …”

I gripped his face and made him look up. “I would never just toss you out, give you to the highest bidder. You don’t deserve that.”

“But I deserve to feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”

I knew what that felt like. “Every time I think of selling you, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”

“Then don’t. Keep me. You want me to be happy, master, then let me … let me stay. Don’t try to sell me. I … You make me happy.”

I shut my eyes as U-know pushed by me. The door opened and I was slammed with cold air. The shower door banged shut, and then I cried.

And I couldn’t understand why I was crying. U-know wanted to stay with me. He wanted to be with me. The only one stopping this from being a happy occasion was me. And it was my own ideals. My own reasons as to why he shouldn’t want to. But he wanted to. And I wanted him to.

So why was I protesting so much?

I was afraid that I would not make him happy, and he deserved to be happy.

I rubbed my face in irritation. How many owners had said that to me? Had been so worried of not being enough, not being the right one, possibly making their toys upset or sad? And I always told them that the fear would make them perfect. The fear would make them make their toys happy.

And I knew it was the same with U-know. I would do everything I could to make him happy.

With a determined, deep breath, I rinsed off. I shut the water off and stood in the steam for a little while and then opened the door into the cool air. I shivered and found a robe. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week. I needed to get to the office.

I opened the door, and stopped in my tracks.

U-know was by the main door, kneeling. He was naked and a collar around his neck. His hands were behind his back. That wasn’t what stopped me though. He was looking at the ground. Almost like … almost like he was waiting to be needed.

“My darling?” I said, making it a question. His shoulders tensed like he heard me but he did not respond. “U-know.”

“Yes, master?”

“Are you doing this to a prove a point?”

“No, master.”

I sighed and moved over to him. I kneeled in front of him. With a soft touch, I lifted his chin. I looked at him the way my heart wanted to.

He whimpered, and almost immediately his eyes filled with tears.

“I may not be able to make you happy the way you deserve to be happy,” I whispered.

“You already do, master Jaejoong. Please, you always say you have to find the perfect owner, but you are. You are, and I want to be your toy.”

I nodded. When I blinked, tears fell down my cheeks. “Okay,” I said, voice breaking.

He smiled and then closed his eyes. “Promise me, please. I … please.”

“I promise,” I said. “Tomorrow, I’ll draw up the paperwork and legally make you mine forever.”

“Good,” he said with a whimper and lunged forward, pressing our lips together. His hands slipped into my robe, along my stomach. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and then a moment later, lowered him to the floor. I peppered his face with kisses until his lips spread in a smile and then he laughed, holding me close. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply.

“I wonder how many times this is going to happen,” I mused, propping up on an elbow.

He frowned. “What, master?”

“I have to go to the office, but instead I’m going to carry you back to that bed and really make you mine.”

He laughed again. “Hopefully everyday.”

I nodded. “Hopefully, everyday I’ll fall in love with you all over again, and I will teach you how to love me, and not just because I’m your master.”

My darling touched my cheek and he smiled. “You already taught me, master, and I already do. I love you.”

Part of me was screaming that he didn’t know what that meant, but the look in his eyes said otherwise.

I smiled and kissed his palm. “I love you, too, my handsome darling.”


End file.
